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Ben Cousins “No burger just coke and ice”

AFL Football unlike other sports has not featured in movies and I reckon it will help spread the popularity of the game, which is what the bosses at the AFL want. So hears my ideas for a movie classic like ‘Dumb and Dumber’ and now we need some idiots.

Ben Cousins aka Benny Boy

Ben Cousins, do I need to say anything else? What a looser, grow up, your not a boy anymore! The Eagles were spot on when they cut him from the list, a warning to to any club who thinks they could pick him up, do so at your own risk. Yes hes a fabulous player and would play some good games but lets look at the negatives of him playing for your club:

• 29 years old
• Brings a history and stigma of drugs to your club
• Soft tissue injuries, he has a history of back related injuries which is drug related

Now if your wanting to return to football, what would be the best way to do it? Pretend your going to rehab, sounds good so far. Next step is to get picked up by some blonde sexed up bimbos. Did the cops return his Viagra? Then go to the rehab and get sorted out, right? No way not with ‘Benny Boy’, instead lets go to LA and disappear over the biggest US party weekend, Halloween. Whats even better is to kick all the dumb US celebs off (Paris, Britney, Lohen etc) the websites and be the star yourself. Now hows that for a staring role in my new AFL movie?

Andrew ‘Hitler’ Demetriou

Let me paint the picture for you. Hitler turned on and killed his own race (he was part Jew) in the 30s and 40s and now Demetriou is doing the same with his own club who he played 100 odd games with, North Melbourne.

The Gold Coast, Australia’s answer to Las Vages is the hot spot at the moment and AFL wants a piece of the pie. So lets take a struggling club (North) and relocate them to the Gold Coast. Sounds simple does it not?

It wont work for these reasons:

• Brisbane Lions only have a membership off 30, 000 tops even after their recent success
• Even after Lions four grand finals in a row, rugby still dominate sport in QLD
• Ground only holds 12, 000 currently

The Kangaroos rightly said no. So what does Hitler do? Well he threatens to cut their AFL lifeline off and start a 17th club, what a tool. You cannot just bring a 17th club in like that, you have TV rights, need to seek the other clubs permissions and as it is there is too many clubs already. The Kangaroos suggestion is good, play a number of games up there but stay based in Melbourne as it keeps the Melbourne based fans happy and the club is not stranded up in rugby world in case it all goes pear shape.

Any other suggestions for idiots or movies?

Some other notable suggestions would be:

• Kouta in ‘Dirty Dancing’
• Judd in ‘Fistful of dollars’
• Kevin Sheady as ‘ET’, just wanting to go home

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